jesus christ - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>OK, so you’ve already learned about all the things we shoved inside ourselves last year. But what about our dangly bits? Rest assured, we punished them....
Ronaldo's Performance During Euro Final Was Like Christ's Victory Over Sin And Death, Says His SisterCristiano Ronaldo didn’t turn water into wine or rise from the dead or even play the vast majority of the Euro 2016 final Portugal won last weekend. But he did hurt his knee and cry, which was apparently enough for his sister to compare him to Christ on the cross....
Thomas Davis Dislocated His Finger Avoiding A Block, Popped It Back In, Then Made The Tackle
In last Sunday’s game between the Panthers and Seahawks, Carolina LB Thomas Davis did a very tough, gross thing. ...
Three Images From The Bears Game (So We Never Have To Speak Of It Again)
Already deeply flawed and lacking the injured Jay Cutler, the Bears weren’t expected to do much against the Seahawks. Chicago managed to surprise, though, accomplishing even less than that....
Worst Damn Knife Thrower Nearly Kills His Assistant
This happened on some sort of Lithuanian talent show, and I very nearly broke out into a cold sweat while watching it. ...
Jesus Christ Ditches His Wife At An Oklahoma Restaurant
A woman has been jailed on a charge of fraud after her husband, Jesus Christ, fooled her into ordering food she couldn't pay for at a restaurant....
Awkward Minnesota Super Bowl "War Room" Is One Big Tiger Woods High Five
So my home state of Minnesota "won" the right to host Super Bowl LII in 2018, presumably because Zygi Wilf convinced local taxpayers to pony up for a new stadium with funds from electronic pull-tab games that haven't generated any actual revenue yet, and such triumphs must be rewarded. Anyway, sinc...
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Jesus's Stat Line, Courtesy Ron Artest
"No ejections. He was 10 for 10s, a lot of 20 for 20s [in shooting]. Perfect from the free-throw line. Infinity rebounding stats." Sometimes questioned his coach's decisions, though. [The Score]...